Two weeks ago, I was attending a virtual meet-up with my school friends. We were having some conversation and asking each other ‘Would you rather questions?’ One of my friends was answering one such question and another friend on the call, let us call them X, said, “That’s so gay!” Before you proceed with the rest of the story, let me give you some background about this social circle. Some of us, of late, have been very vocal about the casual sexism and potentially homophobic ideas that exist in this friend circle. To be frank, we had been quite successful in having these conversations and a couple of friends have even realised that some of their opinions need to be reversed and unlearnt. Hence, people are more careful and mindful of what they say in our (some of us who voiced out our opinions) presence.
Back to the story.
Naturally, some of us were perplexed and I was just beginning to argue why that statement was not welcome. Sensing this, X immediately replied along the lines of, “There is no way I can defend that statement. I should not have said that.” Well, we left the matter at that because the person in question has seemed to have understood why it was inappropriate.
A few days later, I happened to know through a mutual friend of ours that the above-mentioned person felt quite bad about saying such a statement in our circle. The mutual friend continued saying, “X felt that had they made that statement amongst their college friends, it would have been easily passed off as a joke. However, X repented that they should have been aware of the people who were listening to this statement.”
Let me pause the story here.
If you notice the story that I just narrated, it is very similar to ‘political correctness’. People are often mindful of what they say in a space that has established that sexist/homophobic statements are unwelcome. However, they may probably make sexist/homophobic comments or in fact be a sexist/homophobic person. Many people argue that political correctness masks one’s true intentions and opinions. However, I would like to disagree to some extent.
Political correctness (PC), term used to refer to language that seems intended to give the least amount of offense, especially when describing groups identified by external markers such as race, gender, culture, or sexual orientation.
When you establish a space will strive to be free of such sexist/homophobic/racist comments, it clearly makes people to be mindful of what they speak. This, in turn, could make people think more carefully about why such comments are not being tolerated in the first place. It could lead some people to ponder over their biases and preconceived notions and eventually help them unlearn. This is a positive outcome that can result due to such protocols or codes of conduct practised in organisations and communities. In fact, you can establish such protocols even amongst your social groups, as we did!
I am not going to talk about the rest of the people who pretend to be politically correct or care for such issues to gain favours. That is a discussion for another post.
So, what about X?
The mutual friend argued that if X genuinely felt bad about saying such a statement, then the people they were surrounded by should not matter. X thought about this and replied that this was a good point and would think about this.
I think that is a happy ending to the story.
Edit 1 (13/01/2021):- I have published another post on what could happen when you call out casual sexism/homophobia, especially if they are your friends.
